Introduction: Speaking to Your Inner Child With Love

We all carry within us a younger self, the child who first learned what love felt like, what safety meant, and what was required to belong. Their voice still lingers quietly in the background of our lives, whispering the old stories we were taught about who we are and what we deserve.

Some of those stories nourish us like sunlight and water. Others weigh us down like tangled weeds, wrapping themselves around our sense of worth.

This is where the work of reparenting begins: not with force, but with tenderness. Gently untangling, tending, and rewriting. Becoming the loving presence our younger selves once longed for. The one who listens, soothes, and guides us back to wholeness without judgement or haste.

Over the years, I’ve walked this path myself. I’ve faced shadows, met my inner child, and rewritten stories that once held me small. It’s work I now hold space for with my clients, whether through the quiet reflection of my Shadow Work Journal or in guided sessions where the depth and emotion can be safely supported.

This work can sometimes feel raw, overwhelming, even disorienting. But I’ve come to see this truth: it’s some of the most important work we can ever do. Because only when we trace the roots of our stories with care do we create the possibility to grow into the fullest expression of who we are.

The Garden of the Self

Nature has always been one of my greatest teachers, and a metaphor I return to often is that of the garden.

Emily Nagoski, in her book Come As You Are, describes how we are each born with a little plot of rich, fertile soil. I think of this as our mind, body, and spirit.

At first, our “garden” is tended by others: family, culture, school, society. Seeds are planted for us, such as language, beliefs, attitudes, rules, and roles. These grow into the first shoots of our identity.

We also learn which parts of ourselves are considered “weeds”: the behaviours, feelings, or truths others reject. To survive, we prune them back or bury them deep underground. Our primal need is belonging, and for our ancestors, acceptance meant survival.

Even as adults, we carry those deep roots. Our garden may shift with seasons, but the oldest roots remain underground, shaping our everyday thoughts, choices, and inner dialogue. Sometimes these hidden roots are the ones doing the most damage without us even realising it.

And within that garden lives our inner child, the younger self who first taught us how to measure love, safety, and worthiness. For many, these measures never really change. The ways we speak to ourselves often echo the voices of the adults who once surrounded us. And just because they were close does not mean their words were kind.

✨ As Dorothy Law Nolte wrote in her poem Children Learn What They Live:

Those early scripts don’t simply vanish. They echo in the inner critic. They whisper in the way we treat ourselves when we stumble, when we feel afraid, when we long for more.

But here’s the gentle invitation: healing is possible. And it begins with reparenting.

What Is Reparenting?

Reparenting is the practice of tending your inner garden with love.

It’s about noticing the weeds; the old narratives that no longer serve you; and tracing them back to the root with patience. Sometimes you’ll find fear, shame, or guilt buried there. Sometimes you’ll discover they’re not truly yours, but inherited from parents, family systems, or cultural conditioning.

The key is gentleness. When we tug too hard, we risk dislodging what is tender and still growing. But when we clear old roots with care, we make space for something new to take hold.

We begin planting fresh seeds: words of encouragement, gestures of compassion, truths that align with who we are becoming.

Reparenting is not about “fixing” the past. It’s about rewriting the messages you carry today.

Where once you may have heard, “You’re too much,” you now whisper, “I am worthy of space.”

Where once you believed, “I always get it wrong,” you now remind yourself, “I am learning and growing.”

Reparenting invites you to pause, listen, and speak to yourself the way you would to a child you deeply love. Because your inner child is still listening.

The Science Behind Reparenting

Our brains are wired by experience. Neuroscience tells us that repeated words and actions strengthen neural pathways. The well-trodden tracks of our inner dialogue. When we speak harshly to ourselves, we reinforce old patterns of shame and fear.

But when we choose compassion, we create new pathways. This is called neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to rewire itself. Pair that with practices like breathwork and grounding, which calm the nervous system, and reparenting becomes not just a comforting idea, but a physiological shift.

In other words: the way you speak to yourself can literally change your brain, your body, and your energy.

Shadow Work and the Inner Child

Shadow work is about exploring the parts of ourselves we’ve pushed into the dark; the weeds we were told to hide. It’s not always comfortable. But when we meet our shadows with curiosity instead of fear, we find the hidden power within them.

Inner child work is one doorway into shadow work. When we sit with that younger version of ourselves, we begin to understand the root of our reactions, fears, and insecurities. And in doing so, we offer something profoundly healing: the love, safety, and presence we once needed but didn’t receive.

Shadow and child are deeply intertwined. When we tend to one, the other softens too.

Practices to Reparent Yourself

✨ Daily Mantra → On waking, place your hand on your heart and say: “I am safe. I am loved. I am enough.”

✨ Journaling Prompt → Ask: “What words does my inner child most need to hear from me right now?” Write freely, as if speaking directly to your younger self.

✨ Breath & Release Ritual → Place your hand on your heart. Take a deep, slow breath. Whisper: “I release what isn’t mine. I call back what nourishes me.”

These small, daily acts of compassion are how we begin to rewrite the script.

Presence Over Perfection

Your inner child doesn’t need you to be perfect. They don’t need a flawless garden. What they long for is your presence, your gentleness, your willingness to tend, even imperfectly.

Every kind word plants new growth. Every compassionate pause rewrites an old story. Every breath of awareness becomes the sunlight your inner child has always been waiting for.

✨ Healing doesn’t happen in one season. But with time, your inner garden will flourish.

💌 Want to explore this further? My Shadow Work Journal digs deeper into the topic providing helpful insights and reflective prompts to start you on this journey.